A long drive to the incredible Abruzzo National Park, where wolves and bears roam a short distance from Rome.
But never mind all that, the campsite has a TV. Robert Green, on behalf of all the other home nations, thank you for lighting up the World Cup. A poem is required to mark the occasion and, as the poet laureat is female, I have stepped into the breach with this limerick.
There was a young keeper called Green,
Who let down his country and Queen.
A chap called Capello,
Abused the poor fellow:
"You're just like a fat Mr Bean"
I would also like to offer the following words of solace to the beleaguered shotstopper. Maddie often sings them softly to herself in periods of sadness. I sincerely hope they are from Cinderella. If she has made them up I shudder to think what the psychologist bills will be.
"No matter how your heart is bleeding your rainbow will come shining through"
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