Disclaimer
The purpose of this weblog (or 'blog' in the parlance of the digitally enabled) is to save me the bother of writing postcards for 3 months. I realise the vanity of assuming anyone will actually read it, so reserve the right to update infrequently, grumpily and inaccurately with a view to painting my contributions in the best possible light while casting blame onto the shoulders of the innocent.
Background
On Monday 19th April 2010, Laura (Logistics manager, chef, Sat-Nav manager, budget holder, decision facilitator), Maddie (Cinderella, Rapunzel, general Princess impersonator, professional dress wearer), Chloe (takes no crap) and I (bicycle repairer, general scapegoat) will set off on the Portsmouth to Bilbao ferry for a 3 month trip around the beaches and towns of southern Europe.
To enable a dispassionate assessment of the success or otherwise of this venture, I record below my hopes for the impending 3 month liberation/imprisonment (delete as appropriate, actual description to be confirmed not less than 1 month from leaving Portsmouth, terms and conditions apply as per the below)
- Despite barely being able to contain their excitement at sleeping in the same room in a house for the past month, Maddie and Chloe have no difficulty adjusting to their new dormitory quarters in the roof of the van. The initial excitement of: their new furry sleep suits; Mum and Dad down below (look, you can see them if you peep over the edge); access to a light; sister within easy tickling/hitting reach; look, we're sleeping in a van; quickly wears off and within a day the whole family has uninterrupted slumber until birdsong gently caresses them from a light dreamstate at around 9 in the morning.
- Luckily Maddie sees the logic in continuing to wear a form of absorbent sleepware and at no point in the trip are Mummy and Daddy awakened by a trickle of ammoniacal liquid dripping from the loft sleeping quarters onto the sleeping adult forms below.
- Likewise, neither child suffers any condition that necessitates the rapid evacuation of stomach contents onto, or over, their elevated bed.
- Europe in general and campsites in particular are refreshingly free of dogs, with the turd generating, face licking, worm ridden pests confined to leading the partially sighted and conveying barrels of brandy to luckless mountaineers.
- Maddie, Chloe and Laura all recognise that the principal male role model in their lives requires and deserves the time and space for frequent mountainbike riding and willingly sacrifice the restaurant budget for guide fees.
- Inspired by the challenge of feeding a family of four on a micro cooker for 3 months, Laura swats aside all offers of help and using fresh, local produce rustles up a stunning variety of meals before shooing her husband off to the local tavern to unwind each evening.
- No one finds out about Laura's Caravan Club membership.
